ASK THE THERAPIST

Dear Peg,
When people ask me for help I always say “yes” regardless of how inconvenient, but when I need something everyone is always too busy!   Should I get new friends? Thanks, NR

Hi NR,

Great question and not uncommon! Saying yes when you want to say no does more harm than good. It is such a great recipe for burnout and resentment potentially damaging your relationships to the point of extinction creating the very thing we fear the most! We all need love and connection and we all fear losing it.

So, why DO you “always” say yes?  What do you fear will happen if you say no? Do you fear losing friends? Do you fear not being liked? Are you afraid to hurt their feelings? On the other hand do you keep score, make yourself feel justified and add your yeses to your arsenal for a prepared attack?  
It’s a mix of intention, honesty and values. Here is an easy way to break this resentment building pattern and create stronger relationships at the same time. Before you say Yes to the next invitation or request ask yourself:  Am I saying yes out of fear or out of love? Here's what I mean. Yesterday I was asked to table for a non-profit organization.  It was a Sunday, which typically is reserved for time at home.  I made the decision to go, but not out of fear: “I better say yes or they will think I am not dedicated” but, rather out of my love to help and contribute to that cause.  Do you see the difference?  I have said no to friends, family and work and I KNOW it is not easy or comfortable, but guess what?  They are still in my life and they still love me!  If you lose love and friendships because of this then it may not have been an honest and authentic relationship to begin with.

Use this question for all of your situations.  If you honestly want to say yes but feel time consumed you need to decide what and how to prioritize.  If you decide you can’t or honestly do not want to do something it’s OKAY! Be honest with yourself and your loved ones.  I would much rather have someone honestly and kindly say no to me than have them not fully present and secretly building resentment; wouldn’t you? 

“A ‘No’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.” Mahatma-Gandhi

Got a question for my next issue? Email it to me! 

Live More Everyday! :)
P

 

HOW TO IGNITE YOUR HOLIDAY SPIRIT!

The best way to ignite your holiday spirit is to GIVE it away! Contributing to others is a way to truly feel fulfilled and holiday time is a great time to get started. There are so many humans and non humans that need our help.  Do you have a favorite cause? For me it's animal activism and domestic violence advocacy, but for you it might be something else. It's ALL good! What is your cause? You will be most effective and feel the best advocating in an area you are passionate about. To figure out what that means for you, ask yourself:

1. What do I love? What am I passionate about?
2. What social conditions make me feel sad or mad?
3. What are my strengths/how can they be utilized in this area?
4. What are others doing about it/can I join them?
5. How can I start making a difference in this area right now?

If everyone picked just ONE thing that they feel for and found even a small way to contribute to it imagine what could be accomplished! Don't think one person can't make a huge difference; YOU DO MATTER! YOU ARE NEEDED! 

Here is a great resource to get you started by finding opportunities in your area! http://www.volunteermatch.org/

What is important to you? What is your cause? Would love to hear from you! Comment below or find me on FB and Twitter! Happy Holidays! 

Rise and Shine! 
Peg
 

Peg Haust-Arliss, LCSW-R, CCT, AADP
Owner of Fear To Freedom Holistic Psychotherapy

Holistic Psychotherapist, Anxiety Specialist and Vegan Health and Lifestyle Coach

Connect with me! FB  Twitter

Visit my website and grab your free Stress and Anxiety Toolkit! 

HOLIDAY HUMMUS

I love making hummus and I don't measure or follow a recipe anymore, but this is a good base.  Once you make it enough times you will start to find that "just right" amount of ingredients for your personal taste. I have been known to be very generous with the garlic and tahini :)
Once you have your base, have fun and add your favorite spices. I love smoked paprika, chili powder, cumin, turmeric just to name a few. Have fun! 

BASE:
1 15 oz can of chickpeas drained
Juice of one lemon
1/3 C Tahini 
3 cloves garlic
1/4 C EVO (optional)
1/2 C Water. Add a little at a time to adjust to your ideal consistency
1/2 tsp of sea salt. Fresh ground pepper to taste

Place all the ingredients in a food processor. Add water as needed a tablespoon or so at a time. You want a smooth creamy consistency, not too watery, not too dry.
Place in a decorative bowl, drizzle with a bit of extra virgin olive oil, sprinkle with paprika and a sprig of parsley.

Serve with your favorite raw vegis, toasted or warmed pita bread or Mary's Gone Crackers

TIPS:
Serve immediately if possible, I find it is more flavorful at room temp.
If you need a bigger batch double everything, but instead of 2 cans of chickpeas try 1 can chickpeas and 1 can cannellini beans.

I would love to know! What are your favorite add ins? Comment below, post or tweet! 


Rise and Shine!
Peg

Peg Haust-Arliss, LCSW-R, CCT, AADP 

Holistic Psychotherapist, Anxiety Specialist,Vegan Health and Lifestyle Coach 

Connect with me!  FB  Twitter!

 
Owner of Fear To Freedom Holistic Psychotherapy
Visit my website and grab your free Stress and Anxiety Toolkit! 


 
 

3 STEPS TO EMOTIONAL FITNESS FOR CHRISTMAS

Are you emotionally unfit this holiday season? If you are dreading the holidays and not looking forward to the money sucking, weight gaining, and crazy making here are three simple things you can easily do to go from bah humbug to a holly jolly holiday:

 1. MOVE! No, I don't mean running away and moving out of town for the holiday season, I mean MOVE your body! Chances are if you are feeling less than stellar it's showing in your body. Are you moving a little slower, dragging your feet? Do you have your grumpy scrooge face on? You may not even realize your doing it, but I bet your loved ones do! You know what to do; stand up straighter, breathe deeper, SMILE! Don't underestimate the power of movement. Go ahead, turn on some tunes, dance, smile, laugh!
When you change your physiology you change your emotional state in an instant!

2.   Adopt An Attitude of GRATITUDE:  What are you focusing on? If you are focusing on your never ending list, and everything you don't have then of course you feel like crap! You cannot feel bad and grateful at the same time. Whatever is wrong in your life there is also something that is right. Focus on that and you will feel immediate relief.

3.  Adopt A PAY IT FORWARD MINDSET: Do you remember the book and the movie? It's all about giving without expecting anything in return. It's about the powerful ripple effect giving to others can create. It's cheap too!  Be mindful and look for opportunities instead of being mindless and missing the action. We are often so busy we don't even see what's right in front of us. With a pay if forward mindset, you will be the one who notices the elderly person struggling to walk,  you will notice the short person who can't reach the top shelf at the grocery store .It may be a little thing to you, but it's those little things that matter most sometimes.

So there you have it: Move, Be Grateful and Give; three simple, specific, and self controlled things you can do right NOW that will make this holiday season better than ever. Keep it going beyond the holidays and you will have a life that is better that ever too!

Live More Everyday :)
P