Happy NO MORE RESOLUTIONS New Year!

Resolutions Be Gone!  

Have you been thinking about what you want to change, start or end this January? New Year resolutions are popular, but like diets they don't work. January is a great time for fresh starts, but that is very different than a resolution. Resolution means to resolve to do something "once and for all." What did you resolve to do last year? Is it on your list again? I want to share something different for you this year. Something that is just as fresh, but way more fun! 

I really look forward to this yearly ritual.  Use the steps below to kick start your dreams and goals and then next year and every year moving forward, it will be a tool to keep momentum going, not to resolve, but to reflect, assess, test, reassess and grow! 

Here I am hunkering down with favorite pen in hand, great music playing, homemade NOG, (do you like my Ball canning jar wine glass?) all of last year's notes and calendars along with new ones, and of course the boys right beside me.  Join me!

7 STEPS TO SUCCESS! 


1. Get Ready. Create your own comfy space that's inspiring and comfortable for you. Give yourself at least a couple hours of uninterrupted time. Shut off the phone and remove all distractions. This is your time, you deserve it! 

2. Identify Your "Whats" Identify an area(s) of your life that you would like to see change and/or grow for the coming year. Do you want to get serious about your health this year? Do you want to buckle down financially? Maybe you want to focus on a personal development goal.  Write down the area of life you chose and then rate yourself on a 0-10 scale where you are now. For example, 0 is not met at all, and 10 is exactly where you want to be. 

3. Describe Your 10:  You can make it a list or a descriptive paragraph. Be specific and ask yourself:  "How will I know I reached my 10? 
Example:
Health 0-10  Current score 5
What's my 10? I will know that I reached my 10 when... I feel more consistent energy throughout the day, experience restful sleep, have lost 10 lbs.  Make your goals reasonable and attainable. You don't want to set yourself up for the impossible and hurt yourself trying to get there. On the other hand, don't limit yourself. Too often people way underestimate what is possible for them. Is that you? Ask yourself: "Do I know of anyone that has started where I am and has accomplished similar results?" If they can do it, so can you! 

4. Identify Your Reasons. Once you have narrowed down a list of things you want to accomplish in the year ahead, WHY do you want that? Motivation works, but it's temporary. That is exactly why resolutions don't work. This is an important step you cannot leave out so read this carefully... 
Having great reasons will continuously pull you forward. Without them you will eventually and slowly walk back to where you started again. 

Ask yourself: What will your life look like when you reach your goal? How will it affect you? How will it benefit you? What will it mean to others in your life? What will it mean for your life? Not just this year, but forever!

Tweet! "For lasting change, know your reasons to get you through the seasons." @PegHaust 


5.  Calendar Time! Get out the calendars. I still like good ol' pen and paper. I like the planners that show the whole month with the days of the month having large squares for lots of writing space. Set a date and affirm your intention: 
By February 15, I will have released five pounds.  By May, I will be at my ideal weight of... AFFIRM: "I easily maintain a healthy lifestyle that supports me and my family."

6. Commit AND Take Action. What do you need to do?  Whose support do you need? Make a list of SIMPLE and SPECIFIC action steps to reach your goal. 


My Personal Example:

• 20 to 45 minutes of exercise: Sun, Mon, Fri, Sat mornings. 
• Take a few 1 minute meditation breaks at my desk during work.
• Hold a 30 second to 2 minute plank (yoga pose) during commercial breaks and periodically at my desk during work.
• Do a whole food cleanse to learn how to eat healthy and jump start my goal.
• Drink 1 homemade green smoothie every week day.
• Dance breaks! Great bursts of fitness while cooking and writing blogs :) 
• Drink water! Drink full glass of water before a.m. coffee and have a water bottle (with lemons) on my desk throughout the day. 

I tend to be a list maker. It works for me. But, don't get overwhelmed by your list! Chunk it down and give yourself "done by dates" and don't list too many things for one day. Also, I can't emphasis routine enough. Plan a routine and follow it. By 20-30 days you should be in the groove nicely. Anything and everything can become a routine. Make sure your routines are good for you! Repetition is key.  

7. BE FLEXIBLE! You know what they say about the best laid plans... If things go off course, that is okay! This example showed how to get started, but when you do this every year it is also time for reflection. It a time to celebrate every success large and small, and a time to assess and reassess. Look at what worked and look at what didn't. There is no failure, only feedback. Learn from what happened, test and measure and continue on.  

Try these 7 steps for any and all areas of your life: Health, fitness, finances, personal development, relationships, retirement planning, new life transitions, anywhere you want to grow. And make sure you focus on simple, doable and FUN or else you won't do it and you know it! 

Extra tip: Be aware of your stinkin thinkin; self defeating thoughts that make you want to give up (and they will show up!) "Oh, this won't work, I've tried this before, this is too hard!"  You create your experience and emotional state with your thoughts.  Like a basketball, catch those thoughts and shoot them; don't hold the ball!  

Lastly, I'll say it again, remember the why behind your wants and then you will see them come into fruition. It's not about the end result, it's about continued growth. By designing your best life, you are not only enhancing your life, you are positively affecting your loved ones and everyone around you. You are creating progress that is not only good for you, but also inevitably good for all. 

It doesn't get better than that.

Have a wonderful time and please feel free to contact me. I would love to hear about your dreams and goals! 

 
Peg Haust-Arliss, LCSW-R
Therapist, Coach, Author

Get a free excerpt from my book: Anxiety Breakthrough at my website! PegHaust.com

 

About That Life Plan...

Last night my husband and I watched The Adjustment Bureau with Matt Damon. It's about an affair between a politician and a ballerina affected by mysterious forces keeping them apart. A romantic "you and me against the world" tale.  Two lovers apparently not meant to be together, it doesn't fit the plan.  A determined team of sharply dressed fedora wearing men, the Adjustment Bureau, attempt to keep the couple apart to assure that they both stay on their chosen path. This proves challenging at best for them. Think about the challenges you have faced to stay on track. Are these challenges coincidences? Not according to this story line.  It's actually the "Adjustment Bureau" hard at work. They will make you late for meetings, miss important calls, delay you at the airport, whatever they have to do. They will even erase your brain if they have to! They allow us to believe we have free will, and they may even give us a chance for a predetermined life, but they are pretty certain that we will manage to screw that up big time!  

The Adjustment Bureau was a fun movie AND it made me think about my past. Just how much has been free will and how much has been Divine Intervention? 

Hmm, I ponder....

Age 12: I KNEW I was supposed to marry John Travolta.  As any typical star obsessed tween, I prayed... Please God, Vinny Barbarino is the only boy for me!  My best friend and I planned our bus trip to Englewood, NJ to introduce ourselves to his mother!  Crazy little girls! But as destiny would have it, not the bus trip, nor the wedding were in the cards.  Okay, a little more seriously, what about my dreams of being a rock star hair stylist?  Surely, that's not too much to ask for! I worked hard, put myself through cosmetology school, but again, was it a coincidence that I could not cut hair to save my life? Another failure, another dream shattered. So it seemed. Animals, that's it! I am determined to work for a shelter or vet. THAT is the chosen path. But, even that didn't last for "some reason." I can easily go into a rant about wasted years, wasted time. Why did I have to waste six years in a painful relationship? Why did I have a public speaking fear that prevented me for YEARS from pursuing my dream of becoming a therapist and a panic disorder that made it so hard to accomplish?  Wasted time and unnecessary pain.  OR, right on time and right on Purpose.  Looking back, I now see that the most painful and most seemingly meaningless events have been the most important to my life.  For instance, when I first saw my future husband on an empty crossroad, both of us stopped at the traffic light. It's 4 am, dark, cold and wintery. I'm driving still in my PJs and feeling really blah.  For a brief second, my state changed as I wondered who he was. Two days later he unexpectedly shows up at a home town pub on what just happened to be my birthday.  Really?  Or, surfing some channels, I just happened to land on an infomercial by some guy talking about how life is absolutely in our hands and the power and possibility in each and every one of us.  Defying my usual "think it through very thoroughly" strategy and instead, taking unflinching inspired action, I ordered my first product by Tony Robbins.  Because of that (fateful decision?), my personal and career development grew. I found wonderful personal and professional connections. 

I wanted to become a therapist in the first place in response to a  painful relationship. The childhood public speaking fear later turned panic disorder lead to my current specialization in anxiety and resulted in the privilege of helping so many others struggling too.

Little things, big things, and all those seemingly "bad" things. Those experiences have tested, challenged and stretched me. But, I realized strength I did not know and have blessings too many to count. 

What about you? I bet you have a few examples yourself! 

As we near the end of 2014, I hope you are creating your goals and dreams for 2015. Do I have a plan?  Me without a plan? Not happening. Yes, I have a plan! A well defined, goal directed, manageable, well controlled course of action. A plan in the grand scheme of things, a direction for my life. I got it all figured out, 2015 here I come!  But, I wonder what the boys of the black fedoras will have to say about it. I will stick to my plan, I will test and measure the progress of those plans. I will refine and sometimes redefine those plans. And, I will also welcome a date with Destiny.  

Shine bright,
 Peg

Questions about me or my services? I would love to hear from you!

Connect with me on FB and Twitter!

Peg Haust-Arliss, LCSW-R 

Holistic Psychotherapist, Anxiety Specialist and Life Strategist 

Visit my website and grab your free Stress and Anxiety Toolkit! 

Get Serious About Your Happiness

I think of myself as a happy person.  Now, I don't mean I'm happy all the time.  It's not that I never feel sad, frustrated, angry, hurt, scared, insecure......of course not. We need them all! Emotion is life and the good feeling ones come with the not so good feeling ones. I do believe, however, that we are meant to be happy and that it's necessary. With happiness at our core, we can pursue our true purpose in this life. So it's important and it makes sense to get serious about happiness. I suggest you decide to OWN it and drive that emotion into your core!

But how? How do you make happiness your "go to" emotion despite the dramas and traumas that we have all experienced and will inevitably continue to experience?  One way I have found is to hold happiness as one of my highest values. Most of us don't typically identify happiness as a value. We may identify family, friends, God, a strong work ethic, money, time for ourselves or contribution as values just to name a few. But, how these values show up in our lives, I believe, is directly related first, to the emotional states we value. So, if we don't highly value a great quality state of emotion like happiness or gratitude how can all those other values I mentioned be experienced positively and to their highest potential? I don't believe they can.

"There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion." Carl Jung

Here are come common happiness blockers. Really, they are just stories we tell ourselves don't buy them!
 Do you ever think or believe:

 "If I allow myself to be happy something bad will happen. If something bad happens I'll be devastated, it's better to be prepared."  (And I will prepare by worrying)

 "If I allow myself to feel and show happiness others might take advantage of me, or I might not be respected." (Happiness means weakness)

"I can't feel happy when everywhere I look people are so sad and struggling I would feel terribly guilty.  (Happiness is selfish)  

 We feel what we focus on, our experience of life is determined by the meaning we give things and the emotional states we choose to value.

There is so much we cannot choose in this life; so much we  have no control over. We cannot control what others do or say, we cannot control what they think of us or not think of us. We cannot control the all too real tragedy's that happen to people every day. BUT, we can 100% control the meanings we give all things, people, situations and events. We can choose our perceptions and our thoughts which ultimately create how we feel.  If we choose to value happiness, gratitude, joy, and peace (just to name a few) as our primary emotional values just think how that could impact all the other aspects of our lives, and the other great values we hold. It's a completely different world!  It's Freedom! the greatest value of all right? 

Happiness and gratitude: You need it, you deserve it, without it you won't grow or contribute to your true potential.   

  
It's holiday time again. I am always amazed how fast time flies. I always say that life is too short AND too long to feel stressed and unhappy all the time. Life is too good because it is! Where there is bad there is always good, where there is dark there is always light. What do you have to be happy about right now? What might you be taking for granted? The smallest things are most often the best things. What do you need to remember to feel happy and grateful? Dreading the family gathering? Shift that focus to what you can appreciate about the situation and the people. Don't leave anything out.

Right now, in this moment, see it, hear it, it's Thanksgiving, so smell it and taste it too!  NOW feel it! Got it? Feeling it?
I knew it; nothing bad happened! Now just do THAT feeling over and over and over.......  
You Got This!
Happy Thanksgiving! I am so grateful for YOU!!! 

Shine bright,
 Peg

Questions about me or my services? I would love to hear from you!

Connect with me on FB and Twitter!

Peg Haust-Arliss, LCSW-R 

Holistic Psychotherapist, Anxiety Specialist and Life Strategist 

Visit my website and grab your free Stress and Anxiety Toolkit! 

Secure Online Services in the Virtual Office!

 
I am happy to announce that I am now a provider of online therapy/coaching sessions.  Online sessions are becoming more and more popular and accessible. 

Are you a busy professional, parent, or student?
Are you struggling with anxiety that makes it difficult to drive?                         
Do you have a long commute to work or school?
Do you ever get stuck home because of the weather? 

MY Virtual Office May Be a Good Fit For You!

Did you know that online therapy sessions can be just as effective as face-to-face office sessions according to recent research?

I provide HIPAA compliant online therapy/coaching using a Secure Client Portal.  Enjoy the flexibility of scheduling sessions without leaving the comfort of your home. This option is available to my clients in New York State. So, whether you live locally or in Long Island or anywhere upstate or down, I am available to help!

This is a great option for college students living on campus, and for those times when the weather gets rough, and we New Yorkers know how that goes!! 

I love online therapy sessions because it saves you time and money and is super convenient. You save time and gas not having to commute to an office or leave home if you are snowed in or the kids are home from school. 

Questions about me or my services? I would love to hear from you! 

Connect with me on FB and Twitter!

Peg Haust-Arliss, LCSW-R 

Holistic Psychotherapist, Anxiety Specialist and Life Strategist 

 

Visit my website and grab your free report and free 6 part audio training Series! 




 

FROM FEAR TO FREEDOM: Awareness Is The First Step

Have you ever felt excited to start a new project, begin a new endeavor or take on a new challenge that you KNOW would be really great for you, but only to somehow get stuck again and again? Have you ever wondered why that happens?  

It’s FEAR! 

Fear can be our friend. Thankfully, we all have an instinctual mechanism that turns on the fight or flight response to real danger, but I'm talking about the kind of fear that is an illusion. The kind that lies to us and convinces us there is real danger. 

Sometimes fear is obvious and sometimes it’s not obvious at all. Let me explain. In my book:  In Pursuit of the Divine Written Stories To Empower A Woman's Soul,  I write about a seemingly meaningless episode I experienced in Kindergarten and how that was a seed that grew to a full blown Panic Disorder in adult hood.  If you have ever experienced excessive and irrational anxiety you will be familiar with the "fear of the fear" the fear of the symptoms and not having control over them.  That’s the obvious fear. Not so obvious, however, were deeper fears. Fears I held deeply in my core belief system; fears of not being enough. We all have this fear to some degree. Even the most confident among us! 

What I have come to understand and what has helped me so much is this quote by Marianne Williamson. It was one of my biggest a-ha moments and I share it with you now, so you can know this truth too:

Don't you love it? It was a life changer for me and I hope it speaks to you too! 

Sometimes fears are not obvious at all. Behaviors such as procrastination, spinning your wheels, feeling like you’re not accomplishing anything, keeping yourself out of relationships or repeatedly getting into relationships that are not good for you. Or when trying to lose weight, you might reach your goal weight, but for some reason can’t keep it off.  Of course, sometimes the reason is hormonal or medical, but you find yourself in situations where you just can't figure out why these patterns keep happening? Or, worse, you don't even question them. You accept that it is your reality.

I have been there too! And sometimes I can find myself visiting there still. But, NOW I understand it and know exactly what to do about it.

You see, once you understand that what is really happening is a specific mind set; a belief system (BS) that you have, stories that are untrue and BS that you have been telling yourself consciously and unconsciously (probably for years and probably not even from you originally). Once you get that, you are on your way to real and lasting freedom from the fears holding you back from the life you deserve. 

Life is meant to be lived in JOY NOT FEAR!  Fear that you are not enough, fear of failure, fear of being seen and heard, fear of getting emotionally hurt (again) is not allowing you to live fully. 

Awareness it the first key to change. Understanding the thought/mood connection is the first step. 

GET STARTED:

Start small with simply noticing and becoming aware of your thoughts and how they make you feel.  What I did many years ago was track my thoughts in a notebook. When I started to see them on paper I quickly became aware that what I was thinking was actually creating how I was feeling.  Oh, and don't get freaked out, we all have negative thoughts throughout the day and since we are focusing on them it's not unusual to feel even more of the emotion. That's normal. I had a lot of anxious thoughts back in the day creating tons of anxiety! You will start to see a clear correlation between your thoughts and your mood. That's good because you will understand that you have some control now. You will understand that your emotions are not just happening out of the blue, there is a thought first!
Once you have written down a thought statement, for example: "She didn't call me back yet, she must not care." Then ask yourself this question from Byron Katie's work: Is it true? Can I be 100% positive that that thought/belief is true? Next, ask yourself, What else could it mean? "Maybe she is just busy." Could that be true? We are starting with "automatic thoughts" (AT) here. When I work with a client, we start with these free flowing automatic thoughts and later we dig a bit deeper to the next two levels of thought, Assumptions and Core Beliefs. AT's are a great place to begin.
Remember, you can't change what you're not aware of! I hope you feel curious and try it out.

I would love to hear from you! 

I invite you to connect with me on FB and Twitter. 

Peg Haust-Arliss, LCSW-R, CCT, AADP, CPNLP is a Holistic Psychotherapist specializing in stress and anxiety.

Visit her website and grab your free report and free 6 part audio training Series! 

My New Book That Will Inspire You To LIVE MORE Now!

MY NEW INSPIRATIONAL BOOK ANTHOLOGY BECOMES AVAILABLE ON AMAZON FRIDAY, JUNE 6TH!

Tomorrow the book anthology that I co-authored, In Pursuit of the Divine will be released on Amazon.  I was invited to participate in this incredible collaboration by the book's compiler, Krista Gustavson who asked that each of the book's 30 co-authors share our stories of empowerment and transformation more truthfully, vulnerably and courageously than ever before. The result is a collection of stories that is incredibly real and packed with tools to empower women around the globe.

This is your time to Live More, to be authentically and genuinely YOU!  It's time now to shine your light fully for your sake, for the sake of your loved ones and for the sake of our world. This book will empower you to do just that.  Isn't is about time?


Stay tuned for the Amazon link which will become available tomorrow, Friday June 6th. You can then purchase the book for you and all the women who are important to you!

                                                                        

MEET THE CO-AUTHORS!


I joined forces with 29 other healers, coaches, visionaries and thought leaders from around North America and the U.K.

Each co-author had experienced a life challenge in some form that resulted in her experience of playing small, or remaining hidden from the world. By telling our stories, our purpose is to expand your awareness, acknowledge you and provide a sanctuary to reclaim your own personal power. Women now more than ever are being called upon to come together as a collective entity. With our unique offerings, we have a desire to support you and guide you in activating your own inner wisdom so you can align yourself with the greatest expression of who you are and know your purpose in the world.

WATCH MY VIDEO INTRO FOR MY CHAPTER: "FROM FEAR TO FREEDOM"
Check out my video!

Join me on FB and Twitter!




Peg Haust-Arliss, LCSW-R, CCT, AADP, CPNLP is a certified cognitive therapist, strategic interventionist, NLP Practitioner, and health coach.

Go to her websites and grab your free reports and free 6 part audio training:   

How To Manage Stress From the Inside Out:
PegHaust.com



5 Mistakes You Don't Want to Make (Includes Bonus Recipes!)
LiveMoreCoach.com

WTFifty!

February 2014 already! This is a big year for me because I turn the big 5-0 this month! Yep, 1964. I am the youngest of the boomers. My husband, being younger than me, is the oldest of the Gen Xers. Hmm... which sounds better? 

Seriously, milestone birthdays can bring up scary stuff for some people. It did for me when I turned 40. Do you know what I'm talking about? The dreaded questions start, questions that make us feel anxious and worried. Questions and statements like: “I’m turning...., is it too late for me to....? Or, I'm too old to...."  What did you fill those blanks with? Too late to start a new career? Too old to get in shape? How you think, what you believe, and the meaning you give anything is VITAL because it's going to determine how you FEEL and how you FEEL is going to determine what you DO. What you DO is going to determine the quality of your life. The quality of your life now and for the years to come.

From the Huff Post, I looked up which celebrities are turning 50 this year. I am in some pretty good company!

I wanted to see what THEY were saying:

Michelle Obama: "I have never felt more confident in myself, more clear on who I am as a woman. But, I am constantly thinking about my own health and making sure that I’m eating right and getting exercise and watching the aches and pains. I want to be this really fly 80-90-year old." 

Go Michelle! I hope our gracious first lady is thinking of her health in an empowering way and not getting too freaked out about it. The word BUT in her statement makes me wonder that. "But, I am constantly thinking..." Notice the feeling of that statement when you change the BUT to AND. It changes it to an empowering perspective, see? Practice using the word AND instead of BUT and see how that feels for you.

Elle MacPherson: "I don't believe that youth equals beauty or beauty equals youth. How I feel, how well I am is more important to me."

YES! That belief will and does create your reality Elle!

Russell Crow joked about his "creaky old joints" when talking about his role as Superman's father. 

Be careful Russell, we feel what we focus on! ;)

About turning 40 Keanu Reeves said: "I'm feeling my age and I've ordered the Ferrari. I'm going to get the whole midlife crisis package." 

I wonder if his perspective has changed now that he turns 50 this year too. Yes, I too went through a "midlife crisis" at 40 however, I now prefer to look at it as a midlife re-awakening! Choose your words wisely! 

And then we have the beautiful Christie Brinkley and the great Lady O turning 60 this year! 

Christie states what I encourage myself and others to practice everyday; the power of NOW:

"No matter what your age is, you only have now. So it's always about living in the moment and being in the moment...I refuse to let those numbers define me and I just try to face each day positively."

YES! YES! YES! Love her!

And of course, Oprah is forever wise:  

“No matter where you are on your journey, that’s exactly where you need to be. The next road is always ahead.”

— Oprah

As for me? This time, I choose to be excited about 50 (unlike 40). I choose the meaning and the focus because I know that how I feel and what I do will highly impact how I age and how I will continue to age. No, it's NOT about denial, but rather seeing circumstances as they are and knowing what is in my control and what is not.  I can choose youthful thoughts or "old beyond my years" thoughts. Thanks to my mom the phrase: "I am getting old" is foreign language to my brain. The truth is, we can choose to allow those old BS (Belief System/Bull Shizit) stories (and we all got them), of not being young enough, smart enough, or whatever enough to rule our heads OR, we can choose to appreciate our wisdom, appreciate what still works in our body and I for one, can embrace my wrinkles! Okay, of course, that does not mean I'm not shopping for the best skin care right? Let's not get crazy! :) I can choose to fuel my body with food that will keep me alive as opposed to food that is dead in a box. We really are what we think AND eat.  I will also not forget to grow my spirit by nourishing my relationships and to look for ways to give back that present themselves every day.  
The years will go by. 1 year, 5 years, 10, and 50 years are going to come no matter what. That we cannot control. So, how do you want to be living them when they get here? Like Michelle, I want to be a really fly 80-100+ year old!

 I want to hear from you! How will/do you age? Will you embrace it, conquer it, surrender to it or deny it? Which will you choose?

Peg Haust-Arliss, LCSW-R, CCT, AADP, CPNLP is a certified cognitive therapist, strategic interventionist, NLP Practitioner, and health coach.

Go to her websites and grab your free reports:   

How To Manage Stress From the Inside Out:
PegHaust.com

AND

5 Mistakes You Don't Want to Make (Includes Bonus Recipes!)
LiveMoreCoach.com