Monday, December 5, 2011

Life According to Plan?

So, last nights movie was The Adjustment Bureau with Matt Damon. I had no idea what it was about, but I figured I couldn't go wrong with Matt Damon right? Turns out it's about an affair between a politician and a ballerina affected by mysterious forces keeping them apart. A romantic tale of "you and me against the world," and in this case the world is the hands of fate; Destiny. Two lovers apparently not meant to be together, it doesn't fit the plan. The "hands of fate" in this case is a team of fedora wearing men; the Adjustment Bureau, whose attempts to keep them in line and make sure they stay on their chosen path proves challenging at best.  Coincidences? I think not, there are no coincidences, that is the Adjustment Bureau hard at work. They will make you late for meetings, miss important calls, delay you at the airport, whatever they have to do. Hell, they will even erase your brain if they have to! They allow us to believe we have free will, and they have even given us a chance to make our own way; but they assure us that we managed to screw that up big time!  
Ok, so, it was a fun romantic story blah blah blah. But, it made me think about my life; just how much has been free will and how much has been "Divine Intervention"  Hmmm....  A trip down memory lane....Age 12 I KNEW I was supposed to marry John Travolta.  As any typical star obsessed tween, I prayed and cried and cried and prayed.  Vinny Barbarino the only boy for me; there could be no other!  My best friend and I planned our bus trip to Englewood, NJ to introduce ourselves to his mother!  Crazy girls! But as destiny would have it, not the bus trip, nor the wedding were in the cards. That man's heart belonged to Ms. Kelly Preston.  Ok, seriously, what about my dreams of being a rock star hair stylist? Surely, that's not too much to ask for. I worked hard, put myself through Cosmo school, but again, a coincidence that I could not cut hair to save my life? Another failure, another dream shattered. So it seemed. Animals, that's it! I am determined to work for a shelter or vet or something! That is my path. Again, been there, done that, didn't last for "some reason." I seem to have always gotten what I set my sights on, but curiously none of them ever lasted.  Quit making me waste so much time with free will would you please? Do a better job at keeping me on my path! Why did I have to waste six years in a painful relationship? Why did I have to have a public speaking phobia and panic disorder for years that prevented me from pursuing my real dream since I was 18 of being a counselor?  It's not fair! Oh, all the missed signs that are all so clear to me now. But, guess what, it has all worked out. I am, right now,  in the right place at the right time.  Looking back, the most important, most impactful events for me have been the ones I did not expect. Coincidence that I saw my husband to be while stopped at the same traffic light at 4 am? Our eyes meeting briefly as I asked, who is that? Later he unexpectedly shows up in my home town pub on what happened to be my birthday. Really?  Or, I "just happen" to be channel surfing and land on Tony Robbins infomercial and without hesitation, acting only on inspired thought, order my first product.  Since then, and because of that moment, my world opened up and in it I have found amazing new friends, teachers, mentors and opportunities. My path is different because of one seemingly simple coincidence. Different or on track?  Even writing this blog post is only happening because I finally decided to take the time to order the free for three month HBO offer!    Little things, big things, and all those seemingly "bad" things had to happen. Those experiences have shaped me and given me the ability to help people in ways I may not have been able to today.  I have a special appreciation for my husband that I never would have known otherwise.  I've been tested, challenged and stretched. But, I have found strengths I did not know existed!  Seems so suddenly apparent lately. Why?  Because I think I am finally learning to just BE, let go, finally accept. It's been a long time coming!   If you really know me, you probably know I am still considering that notion. Giving up Certainty is never easy when you've held onto it as long as I have!  But, with great teachers and friends (that just happen to show up?) I'm starting to imagine and question what could, what would happen, if I continue just a little bit more and a little bit more....
So, we are nearing the end of 2011. I hope you are creating your goals and dreams for 2012. Do I have a plan?  Me without a plan? Not happening.  Of course I have a plan! A well defined, goal directed, manageable, well controlled course; a plan in the grand scheme of things, a direction for my life. I got it all figured out, 2012 here I come!  But, I wonder what the boys of the black fedoras of fate will have to say about it. I will be sure to pay attention. I am now more aware, looking for opportunities, roads not taken that are sometimes screaming at me like a billboard on a truck or sometimes a mere whisper in a dream.  I will stick to my plan, but I will also welcome a date with destiny.